So was at the Head Doctor =P again. Fuck it went well. Ha not. Took a few days to recover.
The appointments are ridiculous your spoken to as if you are a child or your stupid. They just are prescription pad happy but don’t listen to what their patient actually needs.
I said this to her I don’t tend to hold back but I rarely get very angry as I know it’s not all their fault, the system that is, it’s just they could try harder yno? In my experience none have mine have so much as read my files properly.
They send you home worse then you went in to be doped up again with new meds that will affect nearly every aspect of your life if your lucky like me and receive the side effects =). You’ll still have to manage you daily life, with your crippling illness and now these side effects. ” But It’s Only For A Few Weeks”.
Every time I go there anyway I leave feeling worse. Unheard, hopeless and lost. I’ve gone through so many treatments and this is my final stop in the medical model besides being admitted to the ward. Which the one that we have here you come out worse then when you went in. The good ones are up the country and cost serious money! After 11 years they still can’t help me. How soul crushing is that? 11 years! I have attended appointments, counselling everything they ask but I’m still none the wiser and neither are they.
Going to the chemist then I’m treated like a junkie cause of the medication I’m prescribed. I’m a high risk patient with some extreme medication. It’s so embarrassing every time I have to prove I’m sick almost because I don’t look it. While others waltz in and out without a query and I know their getting prescribed “drugs”. I’m sick of it I was told once again I look fine too by the doctor before that. “Looking at you here now you seem great” Wait What?!?!
Do you realize how hard it was for me to get up, shower, get dressed, change, do my face, feed my animals, nevermind feeding yourself your sick with anxiety, leave the house even get that door open like, drive in, go into a public waiting room with strangers and wait and hour and a half for 5 minutes of chat from my “Doctor”.
I said “What? Just because I look okay I must be okay is it? That’s bullshit, how am I meant to look?” “If I go break my arm I’ll be given whatever I need no questions asked”.
Visible illness oh how It’s different to invisible illness.
My mother even came with me because she’s been on this journey with me and wanted to attend, which I was glad of being honest, she wants me out and I think she’s right. She came to prove I’m not some junkie or some perfect fixed patient. The doctor drove me to a near panic attack like thankfully my mom was there.
They diagnosed me after testing me like some experiment and sending me on my way with this new label and new meds. I’ve been suffering for as long as I can remember and just because I learned how to hide my feelings I’m not ill? Because I like so many more can paint the smile on till the day ends we should be punished? Because even though It’s near impossible we go to work we should be punished? No! No! No!
How fucked up is this country? I actually have had Doctors LIE, LIE about results, meds and other things. You’d be lucky to get an apology and they still get to “help” others then too. They fuck us up more, labels, med swapping etc. Must I prove my Illness by showing up how I actually feel? and go in all doped up take all my meds and be a zombie before my appointment?
I am a functional Patient. With chronic illness’, you tell me why that makes me less entitled for help cause I don’t get that.
I think I have to go another way. I just don’t know what way that is, I just know been in this system isn’t working and hasn’t been for a long time. I believe in the medical model to a certain extent. I would rather go alternative but that means money alot of the time which right now isn’t something that’s hanging around! =P